random thoughts

almost done!

2008-05-07T15:37:00.000-07:00

I know nobody reads this but I want to announce that I am almost done with my graduate program in gerontology!! And, I have a job as a case manager at a senior center. I'm excited to be at a job where I will be learning everyday and feeling accomplishment.

On another note, I was thinking that I should make this blog a space to talk about health and finances. That way, I can stay accountable for keeping on track and admit when I fall off of the bandwagon.
Finances: Today, I made a smart purchase of a cardigan from Crossroads (a second-hand clothing store). This was a necessary item to buy to wear at a wedding on Saturday. It was only $15, which is less than I would have spent if I bought it new. Confession: I did buy something else there (a cute dress for $15) that was not needed...
Health (excercise): This week, I worked out on Monday for 1 hour. Minkz's trainer Ed (who is an interesting character) spotted me and made me work extra hard on the weight machines. I plan to go to the gym for an hour again tonight.
Health (food): Confession: We sort of pigged out last night at Sumiya, a Japanese yakitori place. Next time, we will eat less by sharing skewers (instead of getting one skewer each). This will help finances too, by keeping the bill under control!

decision time

2008-02-27T09:55:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I last wrote. Minkz and I had a great trip to Europe (France, Spain and Italy). We brought in the new year at the Eiffel tower and I have a feeling that 2008 is going to be an exciting year for us. Change is exciting, after all. One of my best friends made a big change and moved to Bangkok recently. I hope he finds what he is looking for.

As for me, I am going to graduate with an MA in gerontology in May and I need to go back to work! I realized that in a way, all work is work. Even though I am changing to a career that feels more meaningful, the day to day tasks might still be tedious and the content may be somewhat stressful. At this time, I have two work experiences for comparison, which are my two internships. Each one, as a potential job, has pros and cons. One organization is bigger and well established with more support. The other position seems more relaxed and flexible. When friends ask me for advice, I tend to tell them to go with their instinct, because ultimately, we know what is best for ourselves. But, there is tension between feeling and thought. I think that I should choose the position that will be the better experience for my career. I feel like choosing the position that will be more enjoyable. The decision will have to be made very soon...

a lesson in reverse psychology

2007-12-12T12:52:00.000-08:00

I learned something from my husband recently that is applicable to many situations in life. He was driving in the city and he had the right of way and took a parking spot that someone else happened to be eyeing. Then, that person pulled up next to him and complained that that was their parking spot. Minkz in his calm non-confrontational way said, "oh, this is your spot? ok, go ahead and take it" and moved and let them have the spot! Of course, that lady was shocked by this and didn't know what to say...
I know that I would not have done what he did. I would probably have gotten mad and aggressively said something like, "F*#! you, I had the right of way so its my spot now!", which would have escalated the argument. The natural reaction to something you don't agree with is to fight and to blame. The harder thing to do is to make a conscious effort to react in a way that creates a peaceful outcome.

Emeril rant

2007-11-15T19:19:00.000-08:00

Emeril Lagasse, the cooking show host on food network is so damn annoying to me!! I want to learn the recipes but not from someone that is so full of himself. Why are we turning everyone into talk show hosts, anyway. This guy has his own band, like a late night talk show host, and the audience claps when he adds garlic or spices - wtf. He actually makes Bobby Flay (another Food Network ass) tolerable to me. Emeril thinks he is sexy and funny. Emeril, you are NOT SEXY or funny! Learn some modesty! Just had to vent. BAM! - i'm turning you off Emeril!
this other person's rant is funny, too (if you watch food network): another rant

International Reminiscence and Life Review conference

2007-11-15T18:09:00.000-08:00

I attended this conference in order to meet a pioneer in the field of gerontology, James Birren (in the pic). Reminiscence and life review are hot topics in gerontology because it can be a meaningful experience for older adults to reflect on their lives. Guided autobiography is a method of writing stories about your life with the support of a group. It has the benefit of the opportunity to make deep connections with others. You go through 9 themes such as family history, life's work, etc., write about them, and then share within small groups over time. As you can imagine, by the end, you know a lot about yourself and your group members and you have a written work of your life! It is interesting that knowing one random story from someone's life, that was previously a complete stranger, can connect you to that person and open the door to sharing further. Normally, we spend a lot of time small talking. But, I guess that is because, unfortunately, it is not socially acceptable to approach someone at a party and ask them anything deep or personal...

Family Caregiver Alliance

2007-11-10T13:54:00.000-08:00

I have a new appreciation for the Family Caregiver Alliance now after going to a workshop for young family caregivers. I wasn't sure if I technically qualify as a family caregiver. I visit my grandmother about once a week and I help my mom with rides/errands occasionally. But, I am not living with them or providing a lot of direct care. However, I related to the individuals that are providing more care for their parents. There is sometimes awkwardness among peers because most people my age do not understand the care giving role. But, I felt an overwhelming sense of empathy in the room with these other young caregivers. There was an understanding about the challenge of accepting losses of a parent's function and the effects of strained family dynamics and relationships as a result of these changes. Nevertheless, we choose to recognize the value of helping others and reinforce the tradition of taking care of our elders.

Joy is 18!

2007-11-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

This is a day that we have been anticipating, the beginning of my sister's official adulthood. Now my parents only have adult children...no more babies. I wonder how they feel? relieved? proud? a little sad? I'm excited for my sister's future. Many responsibilities are ahead for her.
On a separate note, I'm feeling under the weather today :(

honeybee

2007-11-01T23:51:00.000-07:00

A friend told me about this news and I am spreading awareness (to my small audience). Honeybees are mysteriously dying and it is a national crisis! I don't know about you, but I like my fruits, vegetables, and nuts. Its easy to forget the process that our food goes through, but how would we pollinate these plants if it weren't for the bees? See details here: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/27/business/27bees.html?pagewanted=print

focus

2007-10-31T09:59:00.000-07:00

I ran into an old "cell mate" from Prospect High School on campus yesterday. It was nice to catch up with an old acquaintance. I told him that I am more focused now that I am a full-time student and I'm not working full-time simultaneously. I'm not sure if focused is exactly the right word. I am on a specific career path now, geriatric care management. Whether I am always confident and secure about what I am doing is another story. Do we ever really know what we want, who we are and what we are doing in life?

Sometimes I doubt myself. But, I am learning a lot about life and I am able to reflect about what I am learning. When I was working, I was in automatic process mode and I was not learning much. Doing new things and meeting new people is good for the brain. Here is one concept we talked about in class: connections with people being a spiritual experience. I have never called it that before, but it makes a lot of sense. When I relate to someone deeply, it makes me feel more alive. This has a huge implication for those that are isolated. People need connections.

Do we ever really know what we want, who we are and what we are doing in life? I think that individuals, even in the later stages of life, are still recreating themselves, asking questions, and learning. Understanding yourself and relating to others is a lifelong process.

acupuncture

2007-10-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

I started acupuncture yesterday because of a sore lower back and tingling leg after running. Immediately after the treatment I didn't feel much difference. My muscles were achy from yoga and I couldn't feel improvement. I haven't been sensitive to the level of pain or changes in pain, in general. However, I do know that usually in the morning, the left side of my lower back is sore. This morning, it was not. This is the first sign of the positive effect from acupuncture. Also, my acupuncturist told me not to run for a while because running was aggravating the problem and causing the tingling in my leg. So, I will need to do more at the school gym and possibly do more yoga.

grateful at 30

2007-10-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

I will be turning 30 this year and I am feeling the aging of my body. I wake up each morning now with a sore left hip. After running, my right ankle gets sore from a previous sprain and my left leg gets a tingling sensation, too. Also, if I sit in the same position for a couple hours to watch a movie, my knees get sore. Its not surprising to hear several joints crack in one motion these days. I don't leave home without glasses or contacts anymore either.
Sometimes, I wonder if I am too old to have kids already. I imagine myself chasing after my kids with a cane in one hand. I guess I am relatively lucky though. I look younger than other 30 year olds and I feel healthy overall, and that is more than many can say.

setting boundaries

2007-10-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

A valuable concept that I learned from a speaker in my class yesterday was about keeping clear boundaries between work and life and remembering to care for the most important person, yourself. It is so easy to get wrapped up in client cases. For example, you can easily forget to eat when you are so involved in taking care of someone else's problem. But, in this work, your 'self' is your tool, similar to an athlete's tool being his body. So, if you burn out, you will not be able to continue this work. You have to remember that you have done your best and that you could and not blame yourself for anything that happens. I can see that this will be a major challenge for me - to keep the balance between caring enough but not caring too much and knowing when to detach from a situation. I guess this means that I should schedule weekly massages!

school, bla

2007-10-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

I am frustrated with one of my classes right now. I wanted to use a family member as my "client" for class. This person really wants my time and attention. However, based on a previous bad experience that the professors had with a student using a family member as a client, I'm not allowed to do it. Thanks a lot, to the student that screwed it up for the rest of us! It just seems ironic that I am learning how to help people and I can't help my own family and friends. Now, I don't have a client because the individuals that my supervisor suggested, don't really want any intervention. Which reminds me of an important point: Although you may think that someone needs help, not everyone wants help and you can't force someone to accept help. After all, American society teaches people to be self-sufficient and independent. So, dependence is seen as a weakness and people feel guilt for having others help them with things that they used to do on their own. But, is it possible that depending on others isn't such a terrible thing?

first anniversary

2007-10-21T18:24:00.001-07:00

Happy Anniversary to us! We indulged in the 5-course dinner at Gary Danko and the French burgundy wine. Roast Maine Lobster with Chanterelle mushrooms, corn and tarragon = Bliss! Minkz and I realize that we have developed high standards for food. In the end, the food could be amazing and over-the-top, but it is the company that makes the experience complete. My friend convinced me that since I made an exception to the 30 days of no drinking, I have to start the 30 days over. So, I will try again starting today.

one exception

2007-10-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

I am in the middle of midterms week and I am not stressed. I guess that is the result of being in school for my own career goal and not because of external pressure. Mastering the knowledge and being able to apply the information I learned to my career is more important to me than the grade I get on the tests.

On another note, I realized that I have to make one exception to my 30day abstinence from drinking. My wedding anniversary is this Sunday the 21st and we are going to Gary Danko, a nice restaurant in the city, on Saturday night. I am going to enjoy a glass of wine with my husband!

30 days

2007-10-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

I know I don't have a problem with alcohol. But when a presenter from the American Society on Aging (ASA) came to my class to talk about alcohol and substance abuse among seniors, she mentioned that if you can't quit drinking for 30 days, you might have a problem. This caught my attention because I don't think I have gone 30 days without drinking in a long time! So many of my social events are necessarily intertwined with (or entirely focused around) having drinks. When I considered abstaining for 30 days at the time that the idea was presented, I immediately thought of reasons why I couldn't start the 30 days then...because the weekend would be the fleet week party and Maki's going away party. Well, that long day of drinking was on Saturday and on Sunday my 30 days officially began. Wish me luck. I will report any difficulties, withdrawal symptoms, or relapses.

when did you know...

2007-10-07T16:26:00.000-07:00

A friend unexpectedly asked me one of those "million dollar questions" at a party. Other people have also asked me this and it is not easy to answer. It would be nice if there was a secret trick that could tell you the answer. But, everyone finds this out in their own personal way.
When do you know that you have found "the one"?
There was no sudden realization that struck me like a lightning bolt. But, here are a few signs that I think could help to know whether he or she is the one:
-you don't feel the desire to date others anymore
-they bring out the best in you (in other words, you are your natural self when you are with them and they make you want to be a better person)
-you bring out the best in them
-the relationship is easy because you both put energy in it
-you don't get sick of them
-you feel content
-you laugh together
-you have mutual respect and a balance of power
The bonus for us was the approval and support from friends and family. How you find this is a whole other question but it seems like you find it when you stop looking for it (just like other things in life).

internship

2007-10-04T21:48:00.000-07:00

I have been struggling to find an internship in geriatric care management. My program at SFSU is new and therefore there are kinks to be worked out. The advisors defining the internship parameters and the graduation requirements have been some of those kinks. There has been very limited guidance in finding an internship. My expectation was that an adviser would have connections in the community and hook me up with a great opportunity. The reality is that my adviser is on sabbatical and we were emailed an outdated list of organizations that we can cold call ourselves. In a way, this is good preparation for my job-hunt after graduating. But, most geriatric care managers are overloaded and have no time to train and supervise an intern. Anyway, I have a few leads and one interview on Tuesday. I'm looking now for an internship in January because I expect it to take at least that long to find anything...

hard work, hard play

2007-10-01T22:59:00.000-07:00

I had a fun-filled weekend. We went to Love-fest on Saturday which is basically a rave parade with different themed floats blasting electronic music. I invited a couple friends that are from Japan and seeing their shocked faces (at all of the ...eccentric people in SF) was so satisfying to me. I guess I enjoy exposing people to new things.
Then, we went home and carbo-loaded with a dinner of fish, veggies and a heap of mashed potatoes for the Bridge to Bridge 12k race on Sunday morning. It was really fun and inspirational to face the physical and mental challenge of the race with a large group of people. It was like having a support group of tens of thousands of people. I'm proud to say that waking up at 6:15am (before the sun) was the hardest part of the race. Why can't they have races that start at 11am or 3pm instead of 8am?? It was rewarding, however, to be able to watch the sunrise and the sunset on the same day. Minkz and I ended our active weekend by catching a beautiful (although brisk and windy) sunset on a cliff overlooking the ocean before coming home to prepare for another week.

breakthroughs

2007-09-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

I am doing telephone monitoring for seniors at home as part of my internship. Yesterday, I had a rewarding breakthrough with someone that has never been open with me in the past. Somehow I was there at the right time and she felt like sharing a lot with me. I was able to listen and offer advice that she found helpful. The best part is that although we are many decades apart in age, we are going through similar psychosocial experiences in life, and I learned from helping her. Learning is a lifelong process. Now I know that being consistent, persistent and patient in monitoring helps to establish rapport with clients.

pineapple?

2007-09-26T21:59:00.000-07:00

You may know about Asian Americans being called bananas when they are yellow on the outside and white on the inside. I used to tease a friend about this. We tried to figure out what could represent my identification. I've always felt more Japanese than I look. My personality is rooted in Japanese culture. However, I remember being called "gaijin", or foreigner, by other kids at my Japanese school here in the states! I also used to get a surprised reaction from Japanese people when I spoke to them in fluent Japanese. From the outside, I seem to appear ambiguous to most people, like a Latin or Euro-mutt. I guess that makes me a "pineapple" - brown/white on the outside and yellow inside.
Perception from society can be so strong that it is internalized. I hope my experiences help me to empathize with others that are perceived differently from how they identify themselves.

Brain age: 33

2007-09-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

Minkz got Brain Age 2, the game for Nintendo DS. He is good at many things, and computer games are his specialty. So, of course, his brain age is younger than his real age. Mine is 33 (this was on a good day. I was getting in the 50s at first). Actually, I'm afraid to check my brain age again because it will probably go down.
The game tests math, word games, and memory. You have to manuever the touch pad quickly and accurately. But, does the game test for art, language skills or wisdom? I don't think so! At least the game, Big Brain Academy, tries to test for different intelligence types (and its fun and cute!)
In our society, some skills are valued more than others. It can be frustrating to those of us who have the other skills. Talent gets wasted. Passions are forgotten. What would the world be like with all engineers and no artists? It reminds me of our society's preference for 'young' and the obsession with 'fast'.
Slow down, listen, and experience beauty.

dream or reality?

2007-09-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

wow, am i going to be a blogger? its not really my style to volunteer information, and that is exactly the reason that I need to do this. I used to think that I was an open person, but i realized (in class) that I have somehow become closed to sharing. I'm not sure if this is because of upbringing or personality. But, how can I expect future clients to disclose their personal information and life story to me if I am uncomfortable doing it? I have had some exciting travels and wild adventures so far and there will surely be more to come. I hope that I can make my stories come alive with words. Life can be like a dream and unless you keep the memories alive, the line between dreams and reality starts to blur.